Feb 26, 2009

A tale from the olden days of yore...

What in the hell is yore anyway?

I was originally going to wrap up the open question I posed last week, but noticed that it was pointless. Gamer elitism is not something one, or a thousand blog posts can counteract. EVERYONE has a different idea of what gaming is, with very little venn love carried over. Add natural internet ass-hattery, and a dash of nerd rage, and you have a REALLY shitty cake, that everyone blames the other for making...yeah, dat is teh suxxorz for me too.

As such, I am going to do my little part to heal the rifts (so to speak). There will never be another anti 3E, PFRPG, or any edition specific rant or anecdote on this blog again.

This doesn't mean I will be edition neutral, just that I have my preference, and see no further need for knee-jerk BS like is STILL going on. I've grown up, and moved on.

Anyhoo, I wanted to share a story from my olden days of gaming. A long time ago (1993) in a far away place (Sioux Falls, SD) I was learning all about this nifty D&D thing with the help of the best gosh darned DM I have ever shared space with.

We were playing a homebrew game that has (and I think will continue to) put all other homebrew campaigns to shame. My character, a Demon worshipping elf F/M/C (guess which edition!) started off the campaign on the right foot by rolling 00 on my commune check and summoning my unholy patron HERSELF to answer a silly little question...yeah, that was lame. She cut off my legs, and turned me into a freaking midget hordeling! If memory serves, I smelled like shit, had tentacles, and could belch stinking clouds at will!

Moving on from there, we got involved in a temporal war between our current pantheon of gods, and their as of yet unborn children from he future who were trying to prevent a terrible catastrophy - The death of the new goddess of life and healing!

Needless to say, we spent months exploring, researching, and killing stuff (for it's stuff no less) before we finally found a way to reach the future date of the birth...only to face betrayal! One of our party members was the one who had come to assassinate the as of yet un-annointed babe!

All hell broke loose, as the rogue party member (played with glee!) and the rest of the party tussled and fought, all the while, the gods in attendance are seriously freaking out due to the god killing artifact in their presence.

I'll never forget till the day I die what happened next. My character had sat the fight out. I wasn't in on the plot (and was a little miffed about that!) and my goody-good party members didn't trust me, so I really didn't have a side to fight on...until the Krish-Naat flew from the rogues hands to land at my feet.

All eyes turned to me...the most rookie player in the group.

"C'mon buddy! (says the rogue) give it to your pal enoch, I'll cut you in on the reward."

"No! Give it to us (sayeth the goodies-goods) We'll help you walk down the path of light!"

The goddess of life promised to give me my old body back...
The god of war offered me might and prowess like no other living...
The god of this offered me that...you get the idea.

But I still couldn't make up my mind.

Now I know for a fact the DM pulled this out of his ass, so please pay attention, as this should be a class offered in college - RPG theory.

My dark goddess rises from a fissure in the ground, hellfire scattering the assembled onlookers. She looks around before glaring at me!

"FOOL! Give me that object, or I will cut your OTHER leg off!!"

"But you already cut them off!" I bleated back. With a fanged grin she used a wickedly sharp claw to indicate the "leg" she intended to lop off...

After hesitating for the last 45 minutes of real world game time, my choice was suddenly crystal clear...I killed the bitch :)

There was only one artifact, and it was consumed in it's useage. End of story!

The character retired after that game, as playing a hordeling sucked. But I'll never forget how I got my rookie moment, and saved the entire campaign...all with a 3' tall Neutral Evil tentacled shit belcher.

Game well, all of you :P


Chgowiz said...

I really liked that! Awesome story!

Darran Sims said...

Yore means in old English 'time long past'.

Excellent story!

Donny said...

Thank you :)

There are a few more, but I'll have to ration them out.

I'm glad you liked it. I love reading campaign logs and such, so I thought I'd toss one out there...sorta :)

Spike Page said...

That's a good one...I'll keep that in mind lest I someday find myself in a similar fix. :D

But regarding your pledge to step away from the "edition wars", I congratulate you, and have already pledged to do the same myself.